Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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