gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
