Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
