The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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