That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
