I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
