but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
