Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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