I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
