I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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