ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
