i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
