i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
