Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
