I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
