i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The Olympian is in my bed
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
