drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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