i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
