I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
