Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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