He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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