i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
