Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
