i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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