I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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