threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
