my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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