I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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