Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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