I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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