you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
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