I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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