Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Define "chronic" masturbator.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
