After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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