where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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