we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
