I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
