I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
