Ketchup is God's man juice
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
