just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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