just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
