Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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