good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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