there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
