i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Pappa wants mamma naked
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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