new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
