Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
