the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
True strength comes from lack of pants
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
