so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
