She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
