I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
