he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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