Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
