apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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