Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
