wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
