How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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