dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
