your thong is hanging out like whoa
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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