tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
