I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
