I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she looked like the before picture.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
