I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
