so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
