I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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