He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He shit in the fireplace
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
