Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
