chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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