I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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