Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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