Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
