i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dignity is for republicans.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
