just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
