I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
